A beautiful mind, filled with extraordinary thoughts. A beautiful soul, filled with intense emotions. I am amazed by the truth behind your thoughts. I am touched by the heart behind your emotions. You are unique in a way that is unique itself. Words not spoken from the heart are better left unsaid. As I listen to your words, I realize how remarkable you are. Your soul speaks the language of the heart so fluently, I cannot stop listening.
I tell myself to remember the words, because there is so much to learn from it.
A beautiful mind, filled with a great sense of humor. A beautiful soul, filled with smiles and laughter. A sense of humor so compatible to mine. In times of stress, laughter eases the pain. In times of grieve, a smile gets everyting into perspective. When you can laugh at each others jokes, life gets easier in a way.
A beautiful mind, filled with the hard lessons of life. A beautiful soul, filled with pain and love. When you can share your pain with each other without holding back, you are connected. You can cry and you can even argue. When our heart bleeds, we accept that we can argue sometimes. We will cry together afterwards and move on. That is how we help each other to deal with the lessons life gives us.
You are who you are. I cherish the good and the bad. Why? Because I am in love with your soul.
Sunday, May 22, 2011
Monday, May 16, 2011
Chasing dreams
When you walked away, I couldn't move. I let you walk away until you were nothing but a fragment of my imagination. Your existence only remained in my mind. I believed in you, I believed in us. I forgot to believe in myself. Your dreams became mine. It didn't matter what I wanted. It was never a part of your dreams. I got captured in your world. I forgot what my world looked like. I altered myself, so I could be who I thought you wanted me to be. You didn't ask me to do this, but you didn't mind it happened. I followed your dreams everywhere. I was convinced I could fulfill your dreams, but somehow I was afraid I couldn't fulfill my own.
So I buried my dreams and focused on yours. It felt so much easier. There was never a weight on my shoulders, because I was good in chasing dreams for everyone else but myself. I was ready to change my life for you. I had already given up so much, but I believed it was for a greater good. My best friend asked me if this was what I needed to do or what I wanted to do. I couldn't answer the question, but our conversation kept haunting me. So I let you walk away. Left with nothing, I didn't know who I was anymore. I couldn't remember where my dreams were buried. I put all of your dreams in a box. They were no longer my dreams to chase.
I have learned from this all and I have never regretted being with you. I hope I won't make the same mistakes again though. I will always do my best to help other people pursuing their dreams, I just won't chase them myself anymore. I have my own dreams now. And no matter how small they are, they're my dreams.
So I buried my dreams and focused on yours. It felt so much easier. There was never a weight on my shoulders, because I was good in chasing dreams for everyone else but myself. I was ready to change my life for you. I had already given up so much, but I believed it was for a greater good. My best friend asked me if this was what I needed to do or what I wanted to do. I couldn't answer the question, but our conversation kept haunting me. So I let you walk away. Left with nothing, I didn't know who I was anymore. I couldn't remember where my dreams were buried. I put all of your dreams in a box. They were no longer my dreams to chase.
I have learned from this all and I have never regretted being with you. I hope I won't make the same mistakes again though. I will always do my best to help other people pursuing their dreams, I just won't chase them myself anymore. I have my own dreams now. And no matter how small they are, they're my dreams.
My paintings 2007-2011
Painting is therapy for me. When I paint I get captured in my own world. All the weight of the world is lifted from my shoulders when I paint. I feel so connected with myself, I feel so at ease when I paint. Below are some of my paintings. Hope you like them!
Sunday, May 15, 2011
Our neighbour from hell
I have come to the conclusion that certain people only have one goal in life; annoying other people.
Sadly enough our neighbour is one of them. I don't have any problems with her husband, but that woman came straight from hell. They are an elderly couple, so they're almost always at home. It started a couple of months ago. I live on the 8th floor of an appartment building. When I came home with a friend of mine, the she-devil approached me and stated that I needed to scrub the floor in front of my appartment. Since they had to pass my appartment every day to go to the elevator, it was bothering her. I said I would and didn't give it much thought after that. Within a week I received a letter from my housing corporation asking me to clean the floor. She had filed a complaint about me! I was pissed, but I scrubbed the floor and hoped she would fall on her ass when she walked by. She didn't.
About 2 weeks ago she came out of her chambers of hell to cause problems again. I wasn't at home, but Vera, my roomie, was. Vera was in bed, when she heard someone banging on her bedroom window. She opened the front door and there she was; the fire spitting she-devil, her horns freshly sharpened. She started ranting and cussing as soon as Vera opened the door. She yelled that she had been ringing the doorbell for 15 minutes already. Our cats had somehow found their way on her balcony. Although they have a cat themselves, she claimed that her husband couldnt stand the hairs of our cats. She threathened she would call the corporation.Vera was totally flabbergasted. Our she-devil neighbour kept on ranting and when steam started coming out of her ears, Vera slammed the door shut.
This time I was beyond pissed. Of course our cats shouldn't come on her balcony, but dang, you can also ask nicely!! My mob style alter ego took over and I was ready to give her an offer she couldn't refuse.
I planned to call her on it as soon as I ran into her. But sadly I haven't run into her yet. So we came up with some other ideas. We thought about throwing a dildo in her mailbox, but we figured she'd probably enjoy that too much. Peeing on her plants at her frontdoor was also an option or play an adult movie very loudly when she is on her balcony. Don't worry, we haven't done anything (yet). But I can tell you one thing, if I get another letter from the corporation with a complaint or she comes at my door one more time, I am going to be the one spitting fire. She may be a she-devil, but she'll regret messing with a Hungarian bad ass and an Italian mobster!
To be continued...
Sadly enough our neighbour is one of them. I don't have any problems with her husband, but that woman came straight from hell. They are an elderly couple, so they're almost always at home. It started a couple of months ago. I live on the 8th floor of an appartment building. When I came home with a friend of mine, the she-devil approached me and stated that I needed to scrub the floor in front of my appartment. Since they had to pass my appartment every day to go to the elevator, it was bothering her. I said I would and didn't give it much thought after that. Within a week I received a letter from my housing corporation asking me to clean the floor. She had filed a complaint about me! I was pissed, but I scrubbed the floor and hoped she would fall on her ass when she walked by. She didn't.
About 2 weeks ago she came out of her chambers of hell to cause problems again. I wasn't at home, but Vera, my roomie, was. Vera was in bed, when she heard someone banging on her bedroom window. She opened the front door and there she was; the fire spitting she-devil, her horns freshly sharpened. She started ranting and cussing as soon as Vera opened the door. She yelled that she had been ringing the doorbell for 15 minutes already. Our cats had somehow found their way on her balcony. Although they have a cat themselves, she claimed that her husband couldnt stand the hairs of our cats. She threathened she would call the corporation.Vera was totally flabbergasted. Our she-devil neighbour kept on ranting and when steam started coming out of her ears, Vera slammed the door shut.
This time I was beyond pissed. Of course our cats shouldn't come on her balcony, but dang, you can also ask nicely!! My mob style alter ego took over and I was ready to give her an offer she couldn't refuse.
I planned to call her on it as soon as I ran into her. But sadly I haven't run into her yet. So we came up with some other ideas. We thought about throwing a dildo in her mailbox, but we figured she'd probably enjoy that too much. Peeing on her plants at her frontdoor was also an option or play an adult movie very loudly when she is on her balcony. Don't worry, we haven't done anything (yet). But I can tell you one thing, if I get another letter from the corporation with a complaint or she comes at my door one more time, I am going to be the one spitting fire. She may be a she-devil, but she'll regret messing with a Hungarian bad ass and an Italian mobster!
To be continued...
Saturday, May 14, 2011
The mask you wear so perfectly
Certain people have invaded my thoughts the last couple of days. I call it invasion, because I have been trying so hard to block these people out of my mind. I guess it didn’t work. Sometimes someone can destroy so much, that even the good memories disappear. Those memories used to bring a smile on my face, but now everything has changed. Anger and bitterness remain. I blamed myself at first, although I didn't even know what had happened. I still believed in your sincerity, because I needed to. I still believed in your goodness, because I wanted to. You said you never wanted to hurt me. But you did it anyway. I guess actions speak louder than words.
But it's over now. I have stopped believing in you. I don't believe in what you are trying to represent. You have been playing your act for so long, you have started to believe in it yourself. You are a misrepresentation of yourself. I know I have my faults and flaws, I know I am not perfect. But at least I can say I am perfectly myself. The only perfection you have is how you wear your mask. You are wearing it so perfectly that no one knows and no one sees who you really are. In the end I knew and I saw. You made me pay the price for that. But ultimately you will pay that price. Your mask will fade away and the people will see you for who you are. You are just a shell now, an empty shell. If you keep wearing your mask, you will never find happiness. You keep searching for it, but I know you still haven't found it. You have crossed the world, so desperately to find a hint of happiness. But you will never find happiness if you cannot be yourself. You think you have been cursed, but the only curse there is, is the one you put on yourself.
The good memories are still there, but I have buried them. One day I will be able to let those memories surface and maybe it will put a smile on my face again. Until then the memories of you are locked up inside of me, your existence only visible in pictures I won't look at again.
I don't feel vengeance. Behind the anger and bitterness I still have hope for you; hope that you will be able to find yourself behind the mask you wear so perfectly.
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