The pieces of my heart

I am not afraid to die, I'm just scared you'll break my heart. I am not afraid of pain, I'm just scared you'll leave me hurt.

Letting down my guard, letting go completely is all but easy. It's hard to feel trust, when time after time people show that honesty is just a fairytale. A heart can only be broken in so many pieces. After a while there is nothing left to break, but also nothing left to fix.

I show you all the pieces of my heart, not for you to fix it, but to take all those pieces and accept each broken piece of my heart. I am giving you all those pieces to keep them safe, not to smash them to the ground until the pieces are too small for your love to see them. I am asking you to cherish all the pieces and show me that even a broken heart is worth loving. 

Even if I'm scared, even if my heart could break beyond fixing ever again, I will give you all the pieces of my heart and trust that you will keep them safe. All you have to do is open your hands and accept them.

My truth

I'm not difficult, I'm just not easy. Big difference. You don't need to understand me. I don't understand me either. Believe me I tried. It's such a waste of time. Disagree with me. Have a different opinion. I love a good discussion. See what I see, but see it differently. My truth doesn't have to be your truth. So don't expect your truth to be mine either.

If life would be simple, it wouldn't be that difficult. Love is only beautiful when it's fucking hard.
Life sucks. And then you die.

My truth.

Chasing dreams

When you walked away, I couldn't move. I let you walk away until you were nothing but a fragment of my imagination. Your existence only remained in my mind. I believed in you, I believed in us. I forgot to believe in myself. Your dreams became mine. It didn't matter what I wanted. It was never a part of your dreams. I got captured in your world. I forgot what my world looked like. I altered myself, so I could be who I thought you wanted me to be. You didn't ask me to do this, but you didn't mind it happened. I followed your dreams everywhere. I was convinced I could fulfill your dreams, but somehow I was afraid I couldn't fulfill my own.
So I buried my dreams and focused on yours. It felt so much easier. There was never a weight on my shoulders, because I was good in chasing dreams for everyone else but myself. I was ready to change my life for you. I had already given up so much, but I believed it was for a greater good. My best friend asked me if this was what I needed to do or what I wanted to do. I couldn't answer the question, but our conversation kept haunting me. So I let you walk away. Left with nothing, I didn't know who I was anymore. I couldn't remember where my dreams were buried. I put all of your dreams in a box. They were no longer my dreams to chase.

I have learned from this all and I have never regretted being with you. I hope I won't make the same mistakes again though. I will always do my best to help other people pursuing their dreams, I just won't chase them myself anymore. I have my own dreams now. And no matter how small they are, they're my dreams.