I don't do New Year resolutions. I do birthday regrets.
It's that time of year again. In a few days I will turn 35. Regrets.
Regrets. Every tear rolling down my face is a regret. As the tears keep coming, I lose count. Too many regrets.
Some people like to say; Don't do anything you might regret later. As far as I am concerned, that's a load of crap. The biggest regret is the 'what if' regret. Regrets about all the things you could have done, but never did.
Today I let my thoughts wander off to all the 'what if's' in my life, as it is tradition around my birthday. I hope next year there will be less tears. Less regrets.
But now as the tears keep falling, I ask myself over and over again; What if?
Sunday, October 23, 2011
Saturday, October 15, 2011
Cristian Fernandez, America's youngest 'lifer' ever
Cristian Fernandez is 12 years old. He should be playing outside with his friends. He should be going to school. He should be a lot of things.
Instead he is in solitary confinement awaiting his trial for the murder of his two year old brother. His younger brother died of a fractured skull. Cristian allegedly had beaten him to death. He was brought to the hospital and died of his injuries two days later.
If he is tried as a juvenile, he will be free by the time he is 21. If he is tried as an adult, he will be in prison for the rest of his life and will be America's youngest 'lifer' ever.
Prosecutor Angela Corey says:"We have to protect the public from this young man'.
I wonder how a 12 year old kid can be a young man all of a sudden.
Cristian his arms and ankles need to be shackled, because he is a young man now, not a 12 year old kid.
Cristian didn't have a happy childhood. Cristian's mother was only 12 years old herself when she got him. They were both put in the foster care system when Cristian was two. From the beginning of his young life abuse was an every day occurrence. His stepfather shot himself in front of Cristian and other family members to avoid being arrested on child abuse charges.
But prosecutor Angela Corey doesn't care about that. "The fact that we indicted a 12-year-old in and of itself is a stunning event and a sad event in our prosecutorial lives that we had to do this, but it is the only legal mechanism that we can use to protect the community from this particular defendant at this point".
I wonder if she has ever heard of rehabilitation.
There isn't even a prison uniform small enough for him
His pictures are splattered all over in the media. Everyone knows Cristian. Crisitan only knows his cell 22 hours a day all alone. He is afraid of the dark, but there is no one to comfort him. He is a kid that doesn't know what is going on. He is a kid that might spend the rest of his childhood among adult and hardened prisoners.
But prosecutor Angela Corey doesn't care about that. " The public has a right to be protected from him. It's one where you go, at what point do you step in, so you prevent another murder, and that's how we felt in this case."
I wonder if she sleeps at night.
He is just a kid.
Because the system failed Christian when he was growing up, the system is now charging him as an adult. Does that make sense? Is that fair?
Please sign the petition:
https://www.change.org/petitions/reverse-decision-to-try-12-yo-cristian-fernandez-as-an-adult
Instead he is in solitary confinement awaiting his trial for the murder of his two year old brother. His younger brother died of a fractured skull. Cristian allegedly had beaten him to death. He was brought to the hospital and died of his injuries two days later.
If he is tried as a juvenile, he will be free by the time he is 21. If he is tried as an adult, he will be in prison for the rest of his life and will be America's youngest 'lifer' ever.
Prosecutor Angela Corey says:"We have to protect the public from this young man'.
I wonder how a 12 year old kid can be a young man all of a sudden.
Cristian his arms and ankles need to be shackled, because he is a young man now, not a 12 year old kid.
But prosecutor Angela Corey doesn't care about that. "The fact that we indicted a 12-year-old in and of itself is a stunning event and a sad event in our prosecutorial lives that we had to do this, but it is the only legal mechanism that we can use to protect the community from this particular defendant at this point".
I wonder if she has ever heard of rehabilitation.
His pictures are splattered all over in the media. Everyone knows Cristian. Crisitan only knows his cell 22 hours a day all alone. He is afraid of the dark, but there is no one to comfort him. He is a kid that doesn't know what is going on. He is a kid that might spend the rest of his childhood among adult and hardened prisoners.
But prosecutor Angela Corey doesn't care about that. " The public has a right to be protected from him. It's one where you go, at what point do you step in, so you prevent another murder, and that's how we felt in this case."
I wonder if she sleeps at night.
Because the system failed Christian when he was growing up, the system is now charging him as an adult. Does that make sense? Is that fair?
Please sign the petition:
https://www.change.org/petitions/reverse-decision-to-try-12-yo-cristian-fernandez-as-an-adult
Juan Melendez discusses injustice of capital punishment
“I hope he’s not innocent . . . I hope he’s not innocent . . . I hope he’s not innocent . . .”
Whenever Juan Roberto Melendez saw the lights flickering in his cell, that was the mantra he repeated over and over in his mind. After spending 6,446 days on death row in Florida for a crime he did not commit, Melendez began to tell his story all across the country. On Tuesday, Oct. 4, he gave a lecture that delivered a single, powerful message: The death of one innocent man invalidates the entire system of capital punishment.
“It’s all about details, education,” Melendez said in his speech. “People need to know that it does not deter crime. People need to know that it costs too much. People need to know that it’s racist. People need to know that it’s cruel and unnecessary.”
Melendez was brought to campus as a speaker by a joint effort between Walla Walla Community College (WWCC) Sociology Instructor Susan Palmer and Peterson Endowed Chair of Social Sciences Keith Farrington.
“When you have a speaker that comes to a shared event, it in some ways doubles the amount of work you need to do,” Farrington said. “Susan dealt with the large organization that handles the bureaucratic aspect.”
Melendez spoke at both campuses and attended classes taught by both professors.
“It’s important for people to be realistic about flaws in our justice system,” Palmer said. “In this case, I think it’s important for students to hear a personal story, as opposed to just a statistic. To be able to have some level of empathy, that the system in some cases might be flawed.”
Melendez’s approximately 17-year-long ordeal began when he was arrested for armed robbery and first-degree murder in 1984 and convicted after a week-long trial by a mostly white jury based on the testimony of two police informants who cut deals with prosecutors.
“No physical evidence against me,” Melendez said. “On the defense side, I had four witnesses say that the police informant was a snitch who had a grudge against me, but I had a problem—every witness on my side was from the African-American race. When a black man and a black woman testify for the defense, all of a sudden, the credibility is gone.”
Speaking to a crowd in Olin Hall 130 so large it threatened to violate the fire code, Melendez next described the squalid conditions he faced in prison and the friendship of other inmates who helped him survive by teaching him to read, write and speak English.
One of the night’s most harrowing anecdotes came when Melendez related how close he came to committing suicide, near the tenth year of his imprisonment. He began by explaining how his friends on death row would bribe “runners” from the main prison to bring them garbage bags so that they could hang themselves.
“I took that bag, and I made a rope, and then I put a noose in it. Then I looked at my bunk, and I looked at the rope, and I said to myself, ‘I’d better lay down and think about this a little bit more,’” he said. “I fell into a deep, deep sleep, and I start dreaming. In the dream, I’m a little kid again, doing the things I used to love. I find myself on the most beautiful beach in the world, at least to me. Every time I wanted out of there, every time suicide thoughts came to my mind, I would pray to God, ‘send me a beautiful dream.’”
The tale of a good friend’s death due to staff negligence offered a further glimpse into the disturbing realities of prison life.
“There’s a brother on the ground (from a heart attack or stroke) so we tell [the nurse], ‘He’s not breathing! He needs air!’ But telling the so-called nurse to give mouth-to-mouth to a brother on the ground—you’re wasting your time,” he said. “He died in my arms.”
“I wasn’t saved by the system. I was saved in spite of the system,” Melendez said of the case that finally freed him.
Distraught over the execution of five of her other clients, his longtime attorney handed his case over to a crack legal team, who petitioned for a change of venue based on the fact that the county judge had been Melendez’s first public defender.
Once moved to Tampa County, the case fell into the hands of Barbara Fletcher. After retrieving the case files, Fletcher discovered that the attorney had withheld critical evidence from the court, including a taped confession of the real killer and the corroborating testimonies of 16 witnesses.
Armed with this information, Fletcher wrote a 72-page opinion in which she chastised almost every official involved with the case. Her opinion led prosecutors to throw out the case against Melendez.
“I can honestly say I owe that brave woman my life,” Melendez said.
The lecture ended with a hopeful note, as Melendez described how his fellow inmates applauded as he was released and how he learned to live more richly after being deprived of simple pleasures for so long.
Melendez extended his stay in Walla Walla so that he could attend a dinner in his honor Wednesday evening. Speaking to a group of students from Whitman and WWCC, Melendez predicted that the death penalty would be abolished within the next ten years, and described meetings with recently executed inmate Troy Davis and anti-execution New Mexico Governor Bill Richardson.
“I told him, you’re the one in power,” Melendez said of Richardson. “You make the changes. I gave him lots of reasons.”
WWCC student Anthony Martinez described being surprised and affected by the speech.
“It was pretty amazing the way he told his story,” Martinez said. “I expected him to tell it sad. He told it in a way like he enjoyed it, and it was cool how he managed to live through it, how he managed to move forward through it.”
The final words of Melendez’s lecture echoed his hopeful prediction, asking the audience to join him in fulfilling his dream of ending the death penalty.
“I have a confession to make: I’m still a dreamer,” he said. “But this dream cannot come true if all of you don’t get involved. You see, you are part of my dream now!”
Whenever Juan Roberto Melendez saw the lights flickering in his cell, that was the mantra he repeated over and over in his mind. After spending 6,446 days on death row in Florida for a crime he did not commit, Melendez began to tell his story all across the country. On Tuesday, Oct. 4, he gave a lecture that delivered a single, powerful message: The death of one innocent man invalidates the entire system of capital punishment.
“It’s all about details, education,” Melendez said in his speech. “People need to know that it does not deter crime. People need to know that it costs too much. People need to know that it’s racist. People need to know that it’s cruel and unnecessary.”
Melendez was brought to campus as a speaker by a joint effort between Walla Walla Community College (WWCC) Sociology Instructor Susan Palmer and Peterson Endowed Chair of Social Sciences Keith Farrington.
“When you have a speaker that comes to a shared event, it in some ways doubles the amount of work you need to do,” Farrington said. “Susan dealt with the large organization that handles the bureaucratic aspect.”
Melendez spoke at both campuses and attended classes taught by both professors.
“It’s important for people to be realistic about flaws in our justice system,” Palmer said. “In this case, I think it’s important for students to hear a personal story, as opposed to just a statistic. To be able to have some level of empathy, that the system in some cases might be flawed.”
Melendez’s approximately 17-year-long ordeal began when he was arrested for armed robbery and first-degree murder in 1984 and convicted after a week-long trial by a mostly white jury based on the testimony of two police informants who cut deals with prosecutors.
“No physical evidence against me,” Melendez said. “On the defense side, I had four witnesses say that the police informant was a snitch who had a grudge against me, but I had a problem—every witness on my side was from the African-American race. When a black man and a black woman testify for the defense, all of a sudden, the credibility is gone.”
Speaking to a crowd in Olin Hall 130 so large it threatened to violate the fire code, Melendez next described the squalid conditions he faced in prison and the friendship of other inmates who helped him survive by teaching him to read, write and speak English.
One of the night’s most harrowing anecdotes came when Melendez related how close he came to committing suicide, near the tenth year of his imprisonment. He began by explaining how his friends on death row would bribe “runners” from the main prison to bring them garbage bags so that they could hang themselves.
“I took that bag, and I made a rope, and then I put a noose in it. Then I looked at my bunk, and I looked at the rope, and I said to myself, ‘I’d better lay down and think about this a little bit more,’” he said. “I fell into a deep, deep sleep, and I start dreaming. In the dream, I’m a little kid again, doing the things I used to love. I find myself on the most beautiful beach in the world, at least to me. Every time I wanted out of there, every time suicide thoughts came to my mind, I would pray to God, ‘send me a beautiful dream.’”
The tale of a good friend’s death due to staff negligence offered a further glimpse into the disturbing realities of prison life.
“There’s a brother on the ground (from a heart attack or stroke) so we tell [the nurse], ‘He’s not breathing! He needs air!’ But telling the so-called nurse to give mouth-to-mouth to a brother on the ground—you’re wasting your time,” he said. “He died in my arms.”
“I wasn’t saved by the system. I was saved in spite of the system,” Melendez said of the case that finally freed him.
Distraught over the execution of five of her other clients, his longtime attorney handed his case over to a crack legal team, who petitioned for a change of venue based on the fact that the county judge had been Melendez’s first public defender.
Once moved to Tampa County, the case fell into the hands of Barbara Fletcher. After retrieving the case files, Fletcher discovered that the attorney had withheld critical evidence from the court, including a taped confession of the real killer and the corroborating testimonies of 16 witnesses.
Armed with this information, Fletcher wrote a 72-page opinion in which she chastised almost every official involved with the case. Her opinion led prosecutors to throw out the case against Melendez.
“I can honestly say I owe that brave woman my life,” Melendez said.
The lecture ended with a hopeful note, as Melendez described how his fellow inmates applauded as he was released and how he learned to live more richly after being deprived of simple pleasures for so long.
Melendez extended his stay in Walla Walla so that he could attend a dinner in his honor Wednesday evening. Speaking to a group of students from Whitman and WWCC, Melendez predicted that the death penalty would be abolished within the next ten years, and described meetings with recently executed inmate Troy Davis and anti-execution New Mexico Governor Bill Richardson.
“I told him, you’re the one in power,” Melendez said of Richardson. “You make the changes. I gave him lots of reasons.”
WWCC student Anthony Martinez described being surprised and affected by the speech.
“It was pretty amazing the way he told his story,” Martinez said. “I expected him to tell it sad. He told it in a way like he enjoyed it, and it was cool how he managed to live through it, how he managed to move forward through it.”
The final words of Melendez’s lecture echoed his hopeful prediction, asking the audience to join him in fulfilling his dream of ending the death penalty.
“I have a confession to make: I’m still a dreamer,” he said. “But this dream cannot come true if all of you don’t get involved. You see, you are part of my dream now!”
Thursday, September 22, 2011
Will you give 5 minutes to save a life?
Everyone deserves a fair trial. In a perfect world we don't make mistakes. In the trial of Paul Zumot many mistakes were made. Even worse, they were made on purpose. The prosecution wanted a conviction at any cost, so held back important evidence proving Paul's innocence.They succeeded. Despite the overwhelming evidence Paul is innocent, he was found guilty and is now awaiting his sentencing trial. He could face life without parole. If we stand by and do nothing, Paul could end up behind bars for the rest of his life. If you could take 5 minutes of your time and copy this letter and send it to the below addresses, you could ensure a new trial for Paul and save his life.
We refuse to give up hope. So we hope you will give us 5 minutes, just 5 minutes to save a life. Will you?
Letter
On October 15th 2009 Jennifer Schipsi was murdered and her body was set on fire in the cottage she shared with her boyfriend Paul Zumot.
Paul Zumot was found guilty of her murder. His sentencing trial will take place on his birthday; October 14th 2011. He could face a life sentence.
We would like to ask your attention for the following facts that havent been properly presented during his trial:
At the morning of Jennifer's murder, Paul left the cottage and didn't return until he received the news the cottage was on fire. A witness confirmed hearing her voice right before Paul left. He could prove his whereabouts by surveillance cameras and witnesses during that day. Therefore Paul Zumot had an alibi he couldn't have murdered Jennifer.
The prosecution stated that Paul didn't cooperate during interrogations, but at the same time refused to show the jury the tapes of the interrogations. After Paul was found guilty, the tapes were released and show that Paul was very cooperative. The tapes also show how Paul fell down crying uncontrollably, when he heard Jennifer was murdered.
When the cottage caught fire, Paul was in the shop he owned, 1,5 miles away from the crime scene. There were 2 witnesses confirming this. With 16 traffic lights and stop signs it took Paul 20 minutes to get to the cottage, when he received the news his house was on fire. The prosecution claims it took him 2 minutes to drive from the cottage to his shop.
Jennifer had made quite some enemies during the years. She got a restraining order against 2 men a week before her death, because she was afraid for her and Paul's life.
The police and prosecution never fully investigated other possible suspects.
Paul didn't have a motive. He was planning on proposing to Jennifer and wanted to build a future with her. It isn't in his character to murder anyone, let alone to murder the woman he loved.
The prosecution withheld important evidence that would jeopardize a conviction.
Most importantly; there is no physical evidence at all to link Paul to the murder. There were no witnesses seeing Paul at the scene of the crime during the murder or the fire.
The prosecution based their entire case on hearsay. With an alibi, no physical evidence and no witnesses seeing him at the crime scene, Paul Zumot should have been found innocent. The prosecution's job was to prove his guilt without any reasonable doubt. By not allowing all of the evidence to be shown during the trial, the jury made a decision based on what the prosecution wanted them to see. If the jury would have seen all the evidence, there would be more than reasonable doubt and Paul would have been released.
Based upon the above and more facts not even mentioned in this letter, we find that Paul Zumot deserves a fair trial. Therefore we urge you to review Paul's case again and give him a new trial.
People to contact:
Head of wrongful convictions department : dangel@da.sccgov.org
District Attorney: jrosen@da.sccgov.org
mgreenwo@pdo.sccgov.org
the Governor: http://gov.ca.gov/m_contact.php
Honorable Judge David Cena: sscriminfo@scscourt.org
Jeffrey F. Rosen
District Attorney
70 W. Hedding Street, West Wing
San Jose CA 95110
Phone: (408) 299-3099
Fax: (408) 286-5437
Jay Boyarsky
Chief Assistant District Attorney
Phone: (408) 299-3099
TOP RANKING ASSISTANTS
David Angel
Special Assistant District Attorney
Phone: (408) 792-2857
David Howe
More info can be found on www.paulzumot.com
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
Listen
Please don't interrupt me when I am listening to you. It's not very polite.
When I talk, you can speak. You don't need to listen. Please don't absorb every word that comes from my mouth. You can give the same reply to completely different answers. That should be enough.
"Hey, how you're doing?"
"I'm doing fine."
"Well, you take it easy."
"Hey, how you're doing?"
"Honestly, I feel like crap."
"Well, you take it easy."
You rule the world with talk. Small talk, speeches, presentations, interruptions. The one with the biggest mouth wins. You. I speak two words and you interrupt. You cannot read between the lines. You can speak between the lines. You hear the words, but you speak before you listen. You don't need to listen. You already listen to yourself when you talk. That should be enough.
Won't it be awkward when one day you talk and there is no one left to listen?
When I talk, you can speak. You don't need to listen. Please don't absorb every word that comes from my mouth. You can give the same reply to completely different answers. That should be enough.
"Hey, how you're doing?"
"I'm doing fine."
"Well, you take it easy."
"Hey, how you're doing?"
"Honestly, I feel like crap."
"Well, you take it easy."
You rule the world with talk. Small talk, speeches, presentations, interruptions. The one with the biggest mouth wins. You. I speak two words and you interrupt. You cannot read between the lines. You can speak between the lines. You hear the words, but you speak before you listen. You don't need to listen. You already listen to yourself when you talk. That should be enough.
Won't it be awkward when one day you talk and there is no one left to listen?
the silence
The silence is deafening. The voices in my head are talking so fast, I can barely comprehend.
I wonder what language they are speaking, because I don't understand a word. I try to decipher the words, but nothing sounds familiar. The silence surrounds me like a fog. I try not to listen, but I can't escape the silence. Everywhere I go, the silence follows me. The only thing I can do is embrace the silence and let it lead me. I wonder where I'll go.
I wonder what language they are speaking, because I don't understand a word. I try to decipher the words, but nothing sounds familiar. The silence surrounds me like a fog. I try not to listen, but I can't escape the silence. Everywhere I go, the silence follows me. The only thing I can do is embrace the silence and let it lead me. I wonder where I'll go.
Saturday, August 27, 2011
Random thoughts
I'm Italian. I am Dutch. I'm stubborn, I have a big mouth, I am brutally honest and I expect the same in return. I act tough, but sometimes I am not. I trust people until they prove otherwise. I can be a total bitch. I can be a complete sweetheart. I am open and straight forward. I rather know then be kept in the dark, no matter if it hurts like hell. Not knowing eats me alive. I love adventure. I hate routine. I am easy. I am difficult. I forgive, but never forget. If you screw me over, I will get revenge. When things get boring, I hate life. When I take risks, I love life.
I want to go to Africa and start my own elephant farm. I want to move to the States and start my own mob family. I want to travel all over the world. I want to have sex in the jungle. I want to kiss a whale. I want to paint 100 naked men. I want to drive to the sun without getting a sunburn. I want to become rich without getting caught.
I have nightmares. I am scared, but not afraid. I need someone around. Sometimes. I need to be alone. Lots of times. I think a lot. I say less. I expect a lot. I get little. I am a walking understatement. I am a sleeping over achiever. I live for pain. I love for lust.
Suck it up or let it out. Be honest or be gone. Be with me or against me. Kiss my lips or kiss my ass. If you cannot love me, hate me. It's still an emotion. Feel me. Touch me. You can walk away. But never let me go. Life sucks. Suck life. Before it's gone.
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